Steven A. Taylor's Academy Awards Brouhaha.

For as much as I'd LIKE to see it win, to just go in there and sweep up the show, even though I think Munich is a better film, I don't see it happening.

And NOT because it's so controversial, or because it's got leading gay characters, or because there's some liberal conspiracy pushing this thing with the force of an Anti-Smoking Referendum run amok.

It just won't win because there's too much hype behind it.

I mean, honestly, if I hear one more word about all these gay sex scenes in The Chronicles of Narnia, I'm GOING to go California Postal!

You know, for the most part, things just make sense. Brokeback Mountain obviously has the full brunt of Hollywood Underdoggery at its back, thrusting it in front of all of our faces, so it SHOULD have the most nominations. As far as movies go, in a year as stinkerific as 2005, Brokeback was a regular breath of fresh air.

It wasn't spectacular. It wasn't the best movie ever. If they weren't gay, you wouldn't hear so much talk about it ((if they weren't gay, there wouldn't be a MOVIE, jackass!)). Touché. You're right on that account. There IS something fresh and interesting about taking something like homosexuality and putting it in a very manly setting, like Middle America, Wyoming in Homophobic, 1960s. I mean, it's not like they're nominating a movie about two hairdressers who just HAPPEN to be gay in the 21st Century. This thing's got teeth.

Really though, above all else, forget the cowboys and forget the setting; it makes you look at homosexuality. It puts it right out there, not trying to hide ANYTHING. You see that ass getting rammed. You see the passion in those kissing lips. The director's not trying to pussyfoot around the issue or leave things to your imagination like in other films with gay characters. The characters aren't gay just to be different, or comic foils to their straight counterparts. They're gay, and the straight people around them are the comic foils.

Because, as a right-thinking human being, you can't fathom what people would see wrong with this. Of course, you get it, it's the 60s, people weren't very tolerant in the 60s, especially in B.F. Midwest America. But, being who you are, being who I am, I can't understand the mentality, I don't grasp the mindset of people who think being gay is some kind of affliction, some kind of scourge on our country.

These people like to crack jokes and say they're not homophobic because they ain't 'fraid a no queers. Clever. Using the literal translation of the word to ...

You know what, you are. It's that same kind of fear that brought us the War on Terror, the War on Drugs, and the Cold War. Yes, there's the CHANCE that someone might hijack a plane and crash it into your home or workplace or sporting venue. Yes, it's POSSIBLE that some junkie could run up, shove a heroin needle in your buttocks, and bing-bang-boom you're an addict or dead or worse. The Communists MIGHT strike at any moment, taking over our Democracy-laden country and turn us into ... what? And yes, a gay man MIGHT forcibly come up from behind and take you down to China Town. Odds are, it PROBABLY won't happen to you in your lifetime, though. And, you don't want to APPEAR afraid, so you build up this fortress of hate and ignorance around you. And you say, "Treat these people as inferior, fuck them up and bomb them off the fucking planet," in hopes that you'll never have to confront the fact that there are people different than yourself.

So, yeah, I hope it wins, I guess. A part of me likes the idea of the winning film making a statement. Of course, the other side of me, the artist side, thinks that's SO fucking cliché and hopes like bloody hell that Munich takes them all down. Because I want to see Spielberg win some mo’!

But, this is what'll happen. Brokeback will take best picture; Spielberg will take the director; Phillip Seymour Hoffman will shock the world and win best actor; obviously Reese Witherspoon will take down best actress; and, of course, Jake Gyllenhaal will ride away with the supporting actor nod.

Anybody else completely shocked that Terrence Howard from Hustle n' Flow has a nomination for Best Actor? Believe me, I'm all for affirmative action, I'll ride that wave all the way to shore. But, let's be real, there HAS to be a better actor of color out there last year. There just has to be. Give it to King Kong if you have to ... in the immortal words of Ol’ Dirty Bastard, “I love all my niggas, but nigga please!” Oh don’t roll your eyes! They just words!

And please, if there's a lord above, He'll grant me this one wish. I want some old stuffy-ass celebrity to be standing up there with the Oscar at the podium, tearing away that little round sticker on the card, and I want him to say in all 65 years of his glorious livelihood, "The Oscar for best original song goes to, 'It's Hard Out Here For A Pimp'."

If that happens, fuck it, who cares about the rest?