A Vito Sandwich.

9:37 pm, June 6, 2004

God damn, you cracker-ass cracker! Don't go on Pimp My Ride and say something like "burly!" Fuck man, pimp MY ride! Awwwww MAN! She's got a fucking TV in her jeep!

OK, fuck, stop watching. Pimp My Ride makes me too fucking jealous.

But seriously, you pimp my car out and it's the fucking BOMB. (OK Vanilla Ice, stop talking like that or I WILL take away your Urban Dictionary)

Oh HEY, guess what. Yeah, that's right, I'm NOT working tomorrow. Looks like it's pushed back to Wednesday. Now, assuming that's actually the start day, that just makes me more irritated. See, Megan's 21 run is on Tuesday. If I'd been working by now, then I wouldn't be complaining as much. But, with the first fucking day being the day AFTER, that means I'm going through a sober evening. So, here's to hoping that work gets pushed back yet another day. Of course, with my luck, I won't be getting my wish. However, if anyone's reading this, and if you're 21, AND if you're in the Seattle area on Tuesday, there will be a doin's a-transpirin' (That's yokel for "Paaarty at the Baaar").

You know what, though, it'll probably be for the best, keeping sober this week. After last Friday's beerfest in Tacoma bars and next Saturday's kegger in Bellingham, I'm certain a mid-week drinking binge is NOT in my best interests. (Yeah, OK mom! Jeez, get off my back!)

By the way, do you know how FUNNY a keytar player is? How about a keytar player in a band with a white girl lead singer who raps to Outkast's "The Way You Move?"

Let's do a little tale of the tape. Here's some of the lyrics:

Ready for action, nip it in the butt.
never relaxin', OutKast is everlastin'
Not clashin', not at all but see my nigga went to do a little acting.
Now that's for anyone askin' give me one pass em'
Drip drip drop there goes an ear-gasm
Now you cumin out the side of your face
We tapping right into your memory banks (Thanks!)
So flickle the tickle lets see your seat belt fastened
Trunk rattlin' like two midgets in the back seat wrasling
Speakerbox vibrate the tag,
make it sound like aluminum cans in the back.
But I know ya'll wanted that 808 can you feel that B-A-S-S, bass
But I know ya'll wanted that 808 can you feel that B-A-S-S, bass

Then the whole room fell silent (Shhhhh!)
The girls all pause with glee,
turning left turning right hardly looking at me,
But I was looking at them, there,
there on the dance floor
Now they got me in the middle feeling like a man whore
Specially the big girl,
big girls need love too no discrimination in this world.
So keep your hands off my cheeks,
and let me study how you ride the beat
You big freak!
Skinny, slim women got the cameltoe within them
You can hump them, lift them, bend them,
give them something to remember
Hail out timber when you fall through the chop shop.
Take a deep a breath and exhale your ex male friend,
boyfriend was boring as hell
Now let me listen to the stories you tell and we can make moves
like a person in jail.
On the low

Now, imagine the "rapper" looking kinda like a cross between Katie Holmes and Avril Lavigne (hells yeah I spelled that name right; actually, I SHOULDN'T be proud of that). I tell you, the booty dance was in full effect last Friday. Caused three concussions, one broken nose, and three loose teeth. Gotta get that ass under control!

Current Mood: I kinda wanna get drunk, but I also want some PANCAKES
Current Music: Tori Amos - Cornflake Girl (uh huh, that's right! I'm not ashamed!)