Probably one of the dumbest days on record; and me without my camera.
Even though I haven't gotten into any accidents or had any
Tickets on my record, I still had to go to the DMV and get my
Extremely moronic driver's abstract. 45 minutes of my day,
Relegated to that fucking waiting room while they called idiot
After idiot up to the counter. Had to pay five bucks for that four-
Line piece of paper to give to this potential job I've applied
To. Yes, you could be looking at the next security guard for some
Midnight to 8am shift contracted out to a huge sap. Yeah, like I
Am the one to be guarding your shit. Here's to hoping I get a
Night-stick to club away at some fool looking for directions to the nearest I-Hop.
There you go, Pete. Hope I spelled that right.
Anyway, yeah, this is me holding my breath. This is me holding my breath on drugs. Any questions?
Current Mood: Beat, but I must run
Current Music: Faith No More - Jizzlobber
(Anonymous)
2004-07-08 11:22 am UTC
Hell yeah! Peter scores! Thanks Steve.
Only because Steve loves puns so much
(Anonymous)
2004-07-08 11:07 pm UTC
Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly, but when they lit a fire
in the craft it sank, proving once and for all that you can't have
your kayak and heat it, too.
Two boll weevils grew up in South Carolina. One went to Hollywood and became a famous actor. The other stayed behind in the cotton fields and never amounted to much. The second one, naturally, became known as the lesser of two weevils.
A mushroom walks into a bar, sits down and orders a drink. The bartender says "We don't serve mushrooms here." The mushroom says, "Why not? I'm a fun guy!"
A three-legged dog walks into a saloon in the Old West. He sidles up to the bar and announces: "I'm looking for the man who shot my paw."
This guy goes into a restaurant for a Christmas breakfast while in his home town for the holidays. After looking over the menu he says, "I'll just have the eggs benedict." His order comes a while later and it's served on a big, shiny hubcap. He asks the waiter, "What's with the hubcap?" The waiter sings, "Theres no plate like chrome for the hollandaise!"
When she told me I was average, she was just being mean.
A neutron goes into a bar and asks the bartender, "How much for a beer?" The bartender replies, "For you, no charge."
Two atoms are walking down the street and they run into each other. One
says to the other, "Are you all right?"
"No, I lost an electron!"
"Are you sure?"
"Yeah, I'm positive!"
Did you hear about the Buddhist who refused his dentist's novocaine during root canal work? He wanted to transcend dental medication.
A group of chess enthusiasts checked into a hotel and were standing in the lobby discussing their recent tournament victories. After about an hour, the manager came out of the office and asked them to disperse. "But why?," they asked, as they moved off. "Because," he said, "I can't stand chess nuts boasting in an open foyer."
A doctor made it his regular habit to stop off at a bar for a hazelnut daiquiri on his way home. The bartender knew of his habit, and would always have the drink waiting at precisely 5:03 p.m. One afternoon, as the end of the work day approached, the bartender was dismayed to find that he was out of hazelnut extract. Thinking quickly, he threw together a daiquiri made with hickory nuts and set it on the bar. The doctor came in at his regular time, took one sip of the drink and exclaimed, "This isn't a hazelnut daiquiri!" "No, I'm sorry," replied the bartender, "it's a hickory daiquiri, doc."
A hungry lion was roaming through the jungle looking for something to eat. He came across two men. One was sitting under a tree and reading a book; the other was typing away on his typewriter. The lion quickly pounced on the man reading the book and devoured him. Even the king of the jungle knows that readers digest and writers cramp.
There was a man who entered a local paper's pun contest. He sent in ten different puns, in the hope that at least one of the puns would win. Unfortunately, no pun in ten did.
A guy goes to a psychiatrist. "Doc, I keep having these alternating recurring dreams. First I'm a teepee; then I'm a wigwam; then I'm a teepee; then I'm a wigwam. It's driving me crazy. What's wrong with me?" The doctor replies: "It's very simple. You're two tents."
A woman has twins, and gives them up for adoption. One of them goes to a family in Egypt and is named "Amal." The other goes to a family in Spain; they name him "Juan." Years later, Juan sends a picture of himself to his mom. Upon receiving the picture, she tells her husband that she wishes she also had a picture of Amal. Her husband responds, "But they are twins... if you've seen Juan, you've seen Amal."
Re: Only because Steve loves puns so much
dunderhead99
2004-07-11 05:17 am UTC
Ugh, two tents. Transcend dental medication! No plate like chrome for the
hollandaise!!!
God! Fuck the God-damned neutrons/electrons fucking puns.
However, I do like the dog looking for the man who shot his paw.