(Early Car & Debt Problems).

9:27 pm, July 15, 2004

Well, the job hunt may, indeed, suck. But, at least I've got some income finally.

Do you know how much it blows to sit there on a hard-wood floor with a fucking pair of plyers and a screwdriver, picking up staple after staple after the carpet's been ripped out?

OK, so this won't be the easiest 500 bucks I've ever made. Painting the outside of the garage is NOT as much fun as it sounds. Still, this should get me out of debt surefire. Hopefully in time to get a REAL damn job.

Here's the idea. Get out of debt; then start saving up to fix the car. Gotta get a new engine for the beast, because I know m'lady won't last through the winter. This is as Tutti as it gets, I mean, it's a fact of fucking life! If I get five more months out of the pile, I'd be ecstatic. So, for that goal, all I really need is something shitty and easy. I can focus on a career once I have a car I know won't bullshit me (YOU son-of-a-BITCH!).

Here's a short P.S. to both Kon and Sarah, who think they've got some baseball hitting skills. JUST THREW A NO-HITTER TODAY, SUCKAS! Oh, that's right. In 1 on 1 on 1 baseball action, I didn't allow a single hit, giving up only four walks (2 in the first, 2 in the second). I won 16-5-0. Yes, that's right. 16! TWO grand slams (one of them inside the park), and another 2-run shot.

Here's my line for the year: 47 innings, 15 earned runs. 2.87 ERA, 6-0 record, 5 complete games, 2 shutouts (one no-no), 1 save; and I've HIT 7 home runs in the last 4 games. Quiver in fear! QUIVER!

Current Mood: I've seen skies of blue
Current Music: Miles Davis - Bitches Brew

you being a douche bag
2004-07-16 06:11 am UTC
First of all, thanks for the recognition in your journal. That means a lot man. Second of all hold your horses. You have yet to experience the glory of my hitting skills against tennis balls with giant plastic bats. You know not of the countless days of homerun derby and front yard baseball I played all through my childhood with the neighbor boys. In conclusion beware of your smack talking. It only fires me up more.
P.S. The reason I have not beat your ass on the field yet is because Kon stood me up. He is a horrible boy. I am currently holding tryouts for a new team mate who will help me to dethrown Steve.

Only because you loved the other puns so much
2004-07-16 09:35 pm UTC

<< Evidence has been found that William Tell and his family were avid bowlers. However, all the league records were unfortunately destroyed in a fire. Thus we'll never know for whom the Tells bowled.


A man rushed into the doctor's office and shouted, "Doctor! I think I'm shrinking!" The doctor calmly responded, "Now, settle down. You'll just have to be a little patient."


A marine biologist developed a race of genetically engineered dolphins that could live forever if they were fed a steady diet of seagulls. One day his supply of the birds ran out, so he had to go out and trap some more. On the way back, he spied two lions asleep on the road. Afraid to wake them, he gingerly stepped over them, seagulls in hand. Immediately, he was arrested and charged with transporting gulls across sedate lions for immortal porpoises.


A skeptical anthropologist was cataloging South American folk remedies with the assistance of a tribal brujo who indicated that the leaves of a particular fern were a sure cure for any case of constipation. When the anthropologist expressed his doubts, the brujo looked him in the eye and said, "Let me tell you, with fronds like these, who needs enemas?"


Back in the 1800's the Tates Watch Company of Massachusetts wanted to produce other products and, since they already made the cases for pocket watches, decided to market compasses for the pioneers traveling west. It turned out that although their watches were of finest quality, their compasses were so bad that people often ended up in Canada or Mexico rather than California. This, of course, is the origin of the expression, "He who has a Tates is lost!"


A thief broke into the local police station and stole all the lavatory equipment. A spokesperson was quoted as saying, "We have absolutely nothing to go on."


An Indian chief was feeling very sick, so he summoned the medicine man. After a brief examination, the medicine man took out a long, thin strip of elk hide and gave it to the chief, instructing him to bite off, chew and swallow one inch of the leather every day. After a month, the medicine man returned to see how the chief was feeling. The chief shrugged and said, "The thong is ended, but the malady lingers on."


A famous Viking explorer returned home from a voyage and found his name missing from the town register. His wife insisted on complaining to the local civic official who apologized profusely saying, "I must have taken Leif off my census."


There were three Indian squaws. One slept on a deer skin. One slept on an elk skin and the third slept on a hippopotamus skin. All three became pregnant and the first two each had a baby boy. The one who slept on the hippopotamus skin had twin boys. This goes to prove that the squaw of the hippopotamus is equal to the sons of the squaws of the other two hides. >>

Common, "nothing to go on" is the best one ever.

Only because you love the taste of a cock in your mouth
2004-07-17 05:19 am UTC
I'd tell you where you can shove your puns, but I believe there's too much fudge packed up there!

As far as I can tell, the pun is the bastard, aborted fetus of the knock knock joke. I can also tell that if I get any more damned puns in my journal ... I'm gonna RIP your Goddamn NUTS off with my BARE HANDS!

Wait, time for some reverse psychology ...

You know what I HATE? Pneumonia for all the pun-senders of the world. It's as bad, if not worse, than those who send you Jesus Flags through e-mail, or those damned e-chain letters that tell you if you send a poem to ten friends, you'll be lavished with titties and beer (not the Ludacris album). IT DOESN'T HAPPEN AND NEITHER DO PUNS!

2004-07-17 04:50 am UTC
Time Check ... 9:51 pm