Let's Not Start Sucking Each Other's Dicks Quite Yet.

6:47 pm, August 5, 2004

Yes, I too hope the sweet release of death comes before me having to succumb to my inevitable future of the colostomy bag.

Let's try to recap what we've learned in last night's little drinking excursion. The Tacoma liquor stores close at 8pm on weekdays. Considering the rampant alcoholism, depression, and skyrocketing suicide-rate, one would think Tacoma liquor stores would have an extension on that close time. After all, SOMETHING has to heal the emotional wounds of living in this berg!

Safeway likes to fuck you over in every way they can. You try to buy some non-shit beer like Henry's, which is supposedly on sale for $8.99, you punch in your phone number for the extra savings, and you STILL have to pay full price because the hoes at the counter refuse to acknowledge the fact of a sale at all!

The really hairy guy on Last Comic Standing is a poor-man's Stephen Wright (or, more contemporarily, a shitty version of Mitch Hedberg). However, the show IS surprisingly amusing at moments.

Sarah's new nickname is now "Big Sarah." This can also be shortened to Big S and B.S. Oh yes, Kon and I had QUITE the fun with that one.

Big S made, quite possibly, the WEAKEST effort in Frisbee Monkey-in-the-Middle.

Kon is in desperate need of an equally disparaging nickname as that of B.S. So far, we've only come up with B.O. but it DOESN'T stand for Body Odor.

Big Sarah's guns may in fact not look like much, but I'm NEVER letting her pound the tricep twice in a row again! I'm STILL feeling the sting!!!

Not only am I the perfect Gunther look-alike, but I'm also headed straight for a Kyle Gass-like deer gut.

For some reason, Kon can't handle his Henry's. Of course, I managed to knock back 8.

Christopher Walken made his most memorable performance in his Gold-Watch-Up-The-Ass scene in Pulp Fiction. Also, the "I Shot Marvin in the Face" line seems to be sickeningly hilarious only to myself.

Summer from the O.C. doesn't like to bathe for three days before hitting the Conan O'Brien talk-show circuit. Greasy hair and bad skin as FAR as the eye can see.

Sarah's roommate Shamms (ooo fuck, I hope I spelled that name right) makes the BEST banana/chocolate chip pancakes in the WORLD. Of course, that was the only one I've ever had, but from personal experience, I have to agree with my statement.

The Blue Angels can suck it for blocking out I-90, causing hella-backups on I-5.

Dell Computers can suck it for not shipping my mom's computer in a timely fashion, thus leaving me to sit alone in my mom's house for five hours, watching yet again that episode of Saved By the Bell where Zack and the gang get drunk and crash Lisa's mom's car. And then they do all this lying to cover up their asses, but it comes to no avail as the EVILS OF ALCOHOL leave nothing but destruction in its wake. That's right, Zack's dad, I'll NEVER DRINK ALCOHOL AGAIN.

Oh, wait, I'm gonna be drinking tonight. Sorry Zack's dad, I guess I've let you down again!

Current Mood: And the earth spins 'round as the people fall down
Current Music: David Bowie - Bring Me The Disco King (Loner Mix)

2004-08-06 05:41 pm UTC
A bicycle can't stand on its own because it is two-tired.
What's the definition of a will? (It's a dead giveaway).
Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana.
A backwards poet writes inverse.
In democracy it's your vote that counts. In feudalism it's your count that votes.
She had a boyfriend with a wooden leg, but broke it off.
A chicken crossing the road is poultry in motion.
If you don't pay your exorcist you get repossessed.
With her marriage she got a new name and a dress.
Show me a piano falling down a mine shaft and I'll show you A-flat minor.

2004-08-07 05:26 am UTC
"Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana."
"A chicken crossing the road is poultry in motion."