He called the shit "poop!".

12:28 am, September 8, 2004

My brother clogged the toilet the other day and it pulled the ol' overflow onto the floor. While he was plunging away like he'd never touched the most basic of plummer's tools before, I decided to try my . . . hand at the downstairs bathroom. I had to PEE, all right!

Anyway, I noticed a drip drip dripping before I even turned on the light. Look up and that's when it hits me: the upstairs bathroom is right above the downstairs one. Nice, the house is falling apart and shit-water is falling onto the first level of our house. And this ISN'T the ghetto of Tacoma!

So, I went to the deck out back and peed off the side.

Since I know my brother so well, I knew he wouldn't actually take that rug-thing that goes around the bottom of the toilet and throw it in the washing machine. Well, I wasn't about to touch it when it's full of my brother's fecal matter-filled water. Then, I got distracted over the weekend and forgot all about it. Now, it's still in there, taunting my Jerry Seinfeld-like anal-tendencies towards not walking on shit-residue. But, it really shouldn't be my job, so the next time I see my brother and concurrently remember about the status of the toilet rug, I'm gonna mention it.

Of course, learning how to NOT clog the toilet is a key nugget of information it took me YEARS to finally master. Now, I don't believe in your "Courtesy Flushes." I want the next person coming in to KNOW the stink of death and know who caused that. I feel it will develop a kind of fearsome respect that I surely deserve. But, it definitely takes multiple flushes. Usually just two unless I've created a real mess-job down there . . . but I've already said too much.

Really, it's been a long time since I've clogged anything that didn't have the words "Low Flow" in its prelude. Because, I eat hard and I play hard! I need a powerful flow of water to blast my shit away to the abyss.

Now, if you'll excuse me, I have to go wash the bottom of my feet for the fourth time today.

Current Mood: Comin' to break you off
Current Music: The Roots - The Seed (2.0) ft. Cody Chesnutt