Tucker Carlson IS a dick!.

11:16 pm, October 19, 2004

The thermometer says it's only 74 degrees (pretty chilly if it's up my ass, but since it's in the room, it's like an oven), but since I think I'm running a personal fever, I'm sitting here sweating like a heroin fiend on withdrawals. Got the runs from the nose, the runs from the anus, and a nice, mild hacking cough rife with dehydration. Throw into the equation I haven't gotten more than 5 and a half hours of sleep the past two nights, that I'm up at 5am every day, that I stand for 8 hours doing remedial work and still screwing up, and it's 11pm now and I still can't fall asleep ... well, I think this is the apocalypse.

Yeah, so, you know how my job is buttfuckin' easy? Take the checks, put them in the machine, back in the box. Well, I've already screwed up to the point where the workers there who have to check the balances to make sure they match (really, just re-checking to see that I'm doing MY job) have bitched to the bosses. Now, they can't come out and blame me, because I'm not the only one scanning checks there, but again today, they took a look at one of my runs and saw that I've been fucking up some. See, when the checks get scanned, there's a stamp marked on the back of each one. Well, when the fucking machine jams, the checks just run through without the stamp. I've been putting these checks in the box without re-running them, therefore causing more hours of work for these desk-monkeys.

Yep. My job is a job any untrained monkey could do (a Marc Bulger, if you will), and I've managed to screw up and get on the bad side of the people working there. Most definitely giving the reputation of the Temp a much-needed boost.

And you know what else? Fuck these old people! I'm sick now; I want my flu shot, God Dammit! You know how many people die from the flu each year? Like 30,000. In ALL of America! Fuck, take away the shot, and these old fuckers will be dropping like FLIES! Save some social security for the rest of us, knaaamean? I have a feeling I'm gonna be going to work tomorrow, and it'll be raining, and I'll sneeze so hard I crack my head against my steering wheel and knock myself out, causing my premature demise.

That would suck, 'cause then I'd miss seeing Ryan Stiles with Big Sarah and Co. in B to the Ham. And, of course, I'd miss Halloween and all the drunken excitement. I'd miss the election. I'd miss the season premiere of the O.C. I'd miss turkey and football on the same Thursday. And, I'd miss seeing Jerry Rice catching the winning touchdown, thrusting the Seahawks into the Super Bowl for a matchup of titans against the Indianapolis Colts.

Of course, that being the case, I'd miss out on paying Eric $5,000 for the privelege of seeing those Seahawks in the Super Bowl.

"I find that ducks' opinion of me depends on whether or not I have bread."

Current Mood: I think I just coughed up some blood
Current Music: The Darkness - Get Your Hands Off My Woman