My new iPod-like bastard rip-off is on the way!.

5:02 pm, November 16, 2004

So, when you're REALLY tired, I mean, coming off an 8-hour shift of constant standing on less than four hours of sleep, and you have to drive a really long way (I'm thinking 20 miles or more) on the freeway, and you get that head nodding feeling like you're a hop and a skip from passing out and causing a 15-car pile up, do you ever make yourself aroused to stay awake? I'm not asking if you full-on rub one out and cream inside your pants, just enough action to get some blood flowing. I'm telling you, it works. Take it from me.

You know, I learned something today!

Coffee is the most vile drink known to man. I think I finally understand what it is to taste six day old cadaver pussy.

And putting lots of cream and lots of sugar in your coffee like Mr. Wolf from Pulp Fiction likes it is just like eating out a six day old cadaver's pussy with lots of cream and lots of sugar.

This day has been one caffeinated drink disaster after another: I had to leave my tea bag in cold water because we ran out of the hot stuff. Rather than face the inadequacies of cold-water tea brewing again, I thought I'd make my first foray into the life of the coffee drinker. I envisioned myself enjoying the brew so much that I'd devote my life to coffee-drinking bliss. Fuck, man, now I know all of you coffee drinkers are deranged masochists who probably wouldn't mind eating something off of my unbathed genitals. You people just have no taste buds to speak of whatsoever!

I wonder if it's like that smoker's mentality, where you think something's cool so you consume it despite the awful taste. As you persevere, over time, your taste buds are dulled to the point that Xerox toner would taste like cherry pie. Now, if you'll excuse me, I'm gonna go gargle some battery acid to get that coffee taste out of my fucking mouth!

Current Mood: Hammina hammina hammina
Current Music: Pistol Grip - Broken Radio

fucking disgusting
2004-11-17 01:54 pm
Steve, that was probably the most vile journal entry ever. Honestly...

2004-11-17 04:34 pm
"eating out a six day old cadaver's pussy"

Ew, Steve. Ew.

2004-11-18 12:33 am
You guys, I know. Coffee is gross. That was me sugarcoating the description