Question: Do you like penicillin on your pizza?.

7:49 pm, December 14, 2004

The question of the day is this:

Now, pretend you're me. Among other things, most relevant to the story BE that you're a temp making 10 bucks an hour with certain employment only through the end of the year. You're a week away from only being $500 in debt, you live at home, have next to nothing in savings, and you drive a 1980 Chevrolet Camero.

It's 4:15pm. You're driving home from work, you've just gotten off the freeway, and you're first in line at a red light. It's one of those T-intersections, but make that a sideways T, so you're on the cross line and there's only a perpendicular lane on your right with one car readying itself to make a right turn ahead of you. It was raining earlier in the day, but at the moment, the skies have pity on you. However, there's still some wetness and excess oil on the road. All of a sudden, there's some big Dodge Ram-lookin' motherfucker behind you. Big and white and hitting his breaks as hard as he can. His tires are screetching and your attention is caught. You look up into your rearviewmirror. That truck won't be stopping in time to avoid a collision with the rear end of your 1980 Chevrolet Camero. The intersection is perfectly safe as the light has just turned red a moment ago. All you have to do to avoid being smashed is to pull forward one car length. All you have to do to receive a buttload of money and possibly a new car is to keep hitting your break and brace your neck (or leave your neck free to whiplash all around town for the big score).

The question of the day is this: what DO you DO? POP QUIZ, HOT SHOT!

Well, I'll tell you what I did. It was 4:15 in the pm and I hadn't eaten since 4:15 in the am. I was fucking tired and didn't really feel like dealing with a bunch of bullshit. So, I pulled ahead and ended up running the red light. The truck came to a stop directly in the spot I had just vacated. Had my car been a 2-D mock-up from the sky's point of view, he would've been right on top of me.

C'mon, stop looking at me like that! My car kicks so much ass, would you REALLY want to see it totalled?

If you answered "yes" to that last question, you're a jealous hoochie. If you answered "no" to that last question, you're still a jealous hoochie, but you can't help it because my car is so totally awesome, so totally bossanova, so totally CHEVYNOVA (Donatello? What the hell are YOU doing in my post?) that you wish you could give me $50,000,000 to take it off my hands; but then I'd have to say, "Get real, punk! But, you can give me your $50,000,000 because I'm so cool and my car attracts all the chicks and MAYBE I'll let you ride next to my car in whatever piece of junk you drive. Now, GO GET ME A SODA!"

Current Mood: I am your hoochie coochie man
Current Music: Modest Mouse - Ohio

2004-12-15 02:52 pm
well atleast you have better reflexes than most with the whole pulling forward to avoid the collision thing. And I'm glad you did because I think I speak for all of us when I say that I wouldn't want to have to put up with you bitching about first of all: your bomb-ass car getting totalled, and second of all: your neck hurting.

oh THANKS, Rudouche the Rednosed Reindeer
2004-12-15 08:04 pm
Don't be glad 'cause my spine wasn't severed from my skull or a huge chunk of truck engine crashed through my body, spilling guts out for all to see.

Seriously, that truck must've been going 15, 20 miles per hour at LEAST! Where's the caring? Where's the givin'-a-crap?

Re: oh THANKS, Rudouche the Rednosed Reindeer
2004-12-16 12:55 pm
I'm not saying I wouldn't give a crap if you got hurt. I'm just saying that I'm relieved you didn't get hurt so I don't have to give a crap.