A Donation Has Been Made In Your Name For The Human Fund.

9:11 pm, December 16, 2004

Rolling Stone Magazine gave Bob Dylan - Like A Rolling Stone its top song honors in the "Top 500 Rock N' Roll Songs of All Time"

You know, I would've figured something like Stairway to Heaven. Either that or any number of the gaggle of Beatles hits, but who knows, maybe the Beatles supposed greatness cancelled them out of the top spot. I say fuck that, I'm glad they're not in it.

Lots of people like "Hotel California" and "Free Bird" is always a popular request shouted out from drunken yokels at concerts, regardless of who they're seeing.

So, dig it, I've tried compiling a top 20 list of songs, but that's fucking impossible. I've got kind of a solid top 4, but everything else just devolves into a splooge that I can't corral. 21,000 songs and a mind reduced to mush will do that to you.

But, I'm committed to picking out a "favorite" song, album, movie, etc. so I have an answer when I meet someone and to try to get some small talk going, they can ask me "What's your favorite ..."

Seriously, this is going to take me, like, an hour just to get four or five answers.

Song: Radiohead - Paranoid Android -- Just a bad-ass-motherfuckin' tune.

Band: Guns N' Roses -- First rock album I ever purchased, Appetite For Destruction on cassette. They've yet to produce a bad song, even the covers are gold.

Album: Faith No More - The Real Thing -- Very underrated band with a unique sound. This album covers the gamut, a rap-rock song, a punk song, a bluesy/jazzy song, a sludgey-metal-turned-classic-rock song, a Black Sabbath cover, an instrumental with violins and guitars

Movie: The Big Lebowski -- Used to be Bloodsport; that movie's fucking AWESOME. But, my horizons have been broadened. Then, it used to be Natural Born Killers, but then again, Oliver Stone movies aren't really popcorn-eating fluff-fests. I moved on to Pulp Fiction for a while and I thought that might be something I could live with. But, you know, you see Pulp Fiction on too many people's fucking Favorite Movie lists and it's the fucking suave answer to give, so fuck that. Then, I thought Reservoir Dogs, you know, it's less refined than Pulp Fiction and still Tarrantino. But, then everyone else got that idea too. So, The Big Lebowski it is

TV Show (all time): Newsradio -- That's an easy choice, funniest show of all time bar none. Fucking gets my goat that you've got two seasons of Gilmore Girls, you've got multiple seasons of Dawson's Creek and fucking Friends, you can look down the aisle of Best Buy and find a million shitty shows with their own DVDs, but there's NO NEWSRADIO!!! Well, that all changes on May 25th. You better believe I'll be first in line to get that one.

TV Show (currently): The O.C. -- Quite possibly an embarassing choice, but I can't get enough and it's the only show I actually make it a point to watch.

Color: Seriously, who asks that fucking question? If you want to know someone's favorite color, then you've got just a LITTLE too much time on your hands. Okay? So, I don't think about what my favorite color is. Sue me. I dig redheads for chicks, so does it make it red? I like my trees green. I enjoy the hazel eyes and black ties, blue skies and creamy white thighs. Next person who asks me that color question, I'm naming the first color I see, end of story.

Book: The Dark Tower by Stephen King -- The hipster doofis in me wants to say On the Road by Jack Kerouac. The scholar in me wants to say Crime and Punishment by Fyodor Dostoevsky (yes, I had to copy and paste that name from Yahoo!), but let's keep it real because I'm keeping it real.

Celebrity I want to bone: This one's a little tougher. This one comes and goes with the seasons. Celebrities age, they die, they get horrible plastic surgery. Now, back in the mid to late 80's, I had the hots for Madonna. True, in the mid to late 80's I would've been 5 to 8 years old, but come on! What better way to learn about the essence of sex than from the ultimate sexual icon of our (well, my) generation? I used to think Courtney Love was hot until she killed Kurt Cobain. Mariah Carey was pretty bomb until she went all crazy. Beyoncé's pretty smokin, but I've seen some poparazzi pictures of her and the cellulite don't cell-u-lie. Same with Ms. Spears, oh, I'm sorry, Mrs. Federline. Then, I thought I had it. I thought I'd found the knockout of all knockouts. Katie Holmes first sprung onto the scene with Dawson's Creek (yes, the same show I lambasted a couple paragraphs ago). There really wasn't any topping that as there would surely be nothing to bring about her downfall. And then came the nasty fucking plastic surgery. I don't know what else to explain it. The change in her face couldn't have been this dramatic even with extra dioxin in her soup. It looks like someone chisled her out of some rare marble . . . and then threw her against a brick wall! So, you know, right now there's just one stop-gap solution after another. For the moment, let's just say the chick from the movie Suicide Kings. She's pretty hot, and even though she's only in the movie for like two minutes, it's worth the time. Name's Laura Harris.

There you have it. The Good, The Bad, and The Ugly.

Current Mood: Happy Festivus!
Current Music: Paul Oakenfold - PPK - ResuRection Space Club Mix

what about
(Anonymous)
2004-12-17 04:07 pm
Celebrity masturbated to most often? That comes up when breaking the ice all the time. The Olsen Twins? Hilary Duff?

Re: what about
dunderhead99
2004-12-17 08:35 pm
You know what else comes up when breaking the ice? My hand with an ice-pick.

Speaking of ice-pick, get ready to get one shoved up yer ass!

Of course, when anyone asks me whose mom I've masturbated to most often, I'd most definitely have to go with Big Helga