Someone stole Santa? That does NOT ROCK!.

5:40 pm, December 29, 2004

Who was it that told me, "You should go over to Korea and teach English as a second language."

Yeah, that's a GREAT idea! Oh, wait ...

I went to the UW; I graduated in four years with a degree in English. Why aren't I out in the world teaching right now?

I run a check-processing machine currently. It's not who I am, it's just what I do. I feel that I have become pretty proficient at moving checks from box to box. It's this thing about me, simple tasks look good on me. My partner in temp crime, as well, is quite adept at the simple tasks.

We are currently under contract through the ides of January.

The company I work for hired longer-term temps through, it would appear, April. The catch is, these temps work four hours a day and probably make more money than I do because they were hired directly through this company. One temp is named Eva. She's a nice, normal black lady. Eva is currently the apprentice or protige of my partner in temp crime, oddly enough, another nice, normal black lady. Eva wasn't assigned to her, mind you. It just happened that way.

Now, this other temp, she never bothered me much the first couple weeks she was with the company. Her name's Jean. I like to think of her as Mean Jean Simmons. Not necessarily because she's mean; she's actually quite nice and mild-mannered. Also, not necessarily because she's got an inordinately long tongue or rocks out with her cock out for an all-female version of KISS, the wunderband of the 70's, 80's, and today. Really, she's just Jean, but I like Mean Jean Simmons. She's middle-aged, shorter than me, and Asian (speaking of "Asian," it's really annoying when people call undetermined, miscellaneous Asian people "Chinese" when they don't know for a fact if the person is Chinese or not, but I'd have to tend, if I were to venture a guess, to think that Mean Jean Simmons is, in fact, Chinese).

Mean Jean doesn't speak the best English in the world. It's not her fault, and I shant hold it against her. Nevertheless, she has taken it upon herself to be my apprentice or protige, even though I'm not scheduled to be axed until the 15th (but, in all likelihood, will be extended through February or even longer). She wants to learn the machine I have become proficient in running.

I learned all the ins and outs of the machine in three working days. She has been following me around for three working days, not even doing any of the work per se, just watching, and she STILL doesn't know what the hell she's doing. She gets in my fucking way constantly, she's always hovering around me, reading over my shoulder, taking notes. I try to explain things, I even let her run the machine, and she takes FOR-EV-ER.

It's a simple machine, people. There isn't much to it. But, when you don't know the meaning of the word "Jam," you're going to have problems.

And, I can't pawn off this woman, because she's too nice and no one else will work with her. And, it's hard to tell her to go away when she keeps putting herself down (calling herself stupid and slow, even though it's true, I can't really corroborate it to her face).

So, I have become what I have condemned of all the yentas I work with. I bitch about her behind her back to my co-workers. Yes, the behind-the-back-bitch also looks good on me, but only because I bitch so well. That's what I'm here for

Now, if you're still wondering why I don't move to Korea for a year or two, stop wondering. If I can't teach a middle-aged Chinese woman who DOES speak some English a simple-ass machine an infant could handle, there's no way I could even handle a classroom full of non-English speaking students the ins and outs of a language that comes so naturally to me.

There isn't much that I know enough to teach people in. Under most, if not all, circumstances, you wouldn't want to entrust me with providing "knowledge" to you or your child. You wanna know what it looks like to shotgun a beer? You wanna know how to go insanely into debt? I'm your man. You want me to teach you to speak or write well, all I can do is criticize and put down.

No patience is in me.

Current Mood: bladderful
Current Music: Modest Mouse - Life Like Weeds

From Pete
2004-12-30 08:29 pm (local) (link)
Ha. In Korea, all you have to do is read books on a 3rd grade level to kids who don't give a shit. Then, you go out drinking at karaoke (spelling?) bars every night.