Tampico and Tampax.

5:27 pm, January 28, 2005

Perhaps I could've said something to the effect of, "Hey baby, you wanna come back to my place and have some of this frozen pizza?"

Or, how about, "You know, Hungry Man says this meal's for one, but I'd be willing to give you my cobbler."

There's really no good follow up to a pleasant exchange at the check out register at a supermarket with a fine lookin' woman when all you're buying is 12 items or less of complete crap.

Let's look in my shopping basket today. Three different frozen pizzas, a couple boxes of Rice A Roni, 98-cent Gatorade, 98-cent cookies, bag of red apples, and three plastic cups for a dollar. God damn it, at least I didn't roll in there with a few 40s and a couple bags of 60-cent oyster crackers like I was planning. I just gotta remember to do all my shopping at Saar's Marketplace from now on until I can convince this register lady to go out with me. Hey, it could happen. Wha . . . what's that? Oh, the monkeys in my butt were just laughing at me. They ain't goin' anywhere.

Of course, not EVERY experience at Saar's is gonna be of the highest quality. I happen to be back in the beer aisle today to check out the selection and some dude motions to me to come over. OK, so he's got crooked teeth sticking each which way out of his head, and he's stumbling a bit. Drunken wino, perhaps with a home, perhaps not. He sprouts some gibberish at me, I ask what the hell he's saying, and he sprouts more gibberish. This time, all I'm getting is he's asking me what's a good beer to buy. I ask him if he wants cheap beer or good beer. Of course, he's over by the 40-ounce section, so I'm assuming he's not in the market for good beer. I tell him he can't go wrong with Red Dog, 24 ounces for a buck twenty five. He picks out a couple and I think I've done my good deed for the day. Then, as he walks away, he says this: "God, you're such a girl." WHAT THE FUCK? I help some jackass with his beer purchase and what fucking thanks do I get. You know, if I didn't have to buy more vagesil and tampons, I would've given that brute what for.

Current Mood: Headaches Aplenty
Current Music: Creedence Clearwater Revival - Tombstone Shadow