To All The Skeptics.

4:30 pm, February 28, 2005

Why Weed Is Good For Running.

Now, I brought this very subject up recently, don't remember if it was an entry or just in passing, but this is my hypothesis. Mark heard about my idea from Kon and, obviously, he was skeptical. Let's bring some data into this hog.

Obviously, weed is no good for my writing or my one-handed love life, since I really can't focus on anything. And, I'm not saying you should smoke a bowl and go running while high. You're not gonna have the endurance for shit. However, if you set a good puffing pace the night before, all sorts of possibilities are there at your fingertips.

Consider this: You're holding in the smoke as long as you can. That's expanding your lung capacity, thereby eliciting steadier, more full-bodied breathing during your run the next morning.

Also, you're not ingesting as much smoke as you would if you, say, smoked cigarettes (though, considerably more if you smoked nothing, but who wants to live like the damned Amish anyway?).

Figure, if you've got enough food lying around, you're gonna get the munchies. Man, that's a fucking pre-run carbo-load right there! Saddle me up with a bag of Oyster Crackers, maybe some Top Ramen or some sandwiches (would you like some sandwiches?). I tell you, that's fuel for the following morning.

Finally, and this is the key. Sleep. Weed's gonna make you tired as it is ... a ... tired-producing drug. I think it has the same shit as turkeys or something. The key is, don't fight it. Pass out wherever you lie. It'll be the greatest fucking sleep of your life. You'll wake up more refreshed than taking sleeping pills, in less pain than getting knocked out by a hammer, and the greatest thing is, it really doesn't matter how long you're out for. You're gonna feel equally as great if you get five hours or fifteen. I'm telling you, went to bed a little after ten pm last night, woke up at 4am and I was fresh as a motherfucking DAISY.

Now, play that scenario out the same way only taking out the weed: I've got all this energy; I finish the movie that's playing on the TV; I'm up for another two hours easily as I got HELLA sleep Saturday night; I pass out after midnight after some half-assed effort at writing something, and I'm awake at 4am cranky as all hell, lolly-gagging around on the floor for 40 minutes trying to wake up, inevitably miss my run that morning, and curse the fucking day that weed never entered my system (that being the PREVIOUS day)

And, would you fucking look at that! I God-Damned wrote through 4:20 today! You see what happens? You see what happens, Larry?

Listen, I've gotta go, but first I'd like to leave you all with an itinerary for my Birthday ExtravaFuckingGanza.

Thursday, March 17th (not my birthday) - St. Patrick's Day. Going out drinking, as any decent, God-fearing Irishman should. Don't have any Irish blood in you, you say? Well, SLOG OFF!

Friday, wake up from whatever hole I pass out in, come back to Renton for a day of drinking. See, this is the trick. From the time I get into Seattle on Thursday, I'm gonna be drinking. I'll pass out, and from the moment I get back to Renton, it's continued drinking. I don't want sobriety to touch my system. Just beer, though.

Now, I'll be in Renton with a solid buzz, so I'm gonna need a ride back to Seattle for

Friday, March 18th (is my birthday). More drinking. Are there any questions? Seems pretty self-explanitory to me.

P.S. if anyone has a vehicle they can use on the evening of Friday to drive my drunk ass back to Seattle, the ride would be most appreciated.

As usual, everyone who's anyone is invited to any and/or all parts of this Birthday ExtravaFuckingGanza. I want to see EVERYONE in some capacity at one time or another!

Don't drink the water, there's blood in the water

Current Mood: 4:29 counts still, right?
Current Music: Beck - E-Pro

2005-03-02 06:54 pm UTC (link)
I can probably give your drunk ass a ride for your birthday, but only if you guys aren't going out to the bars, because if you are... you can suck my white ass.
That's all