Thank You, Tonight We Review An Aging Charles Bronson in "Death Wish 9".

I wish I was dead! Oy!

Charles Bronson may in fact be the greatest actor living or dead the world has ever known. Of course, he may also be the anti-Christ. Either way, there's no denying the fact that "Death Wish" is an awesome movie. I love how every time he leaves his home and walks alone at night, there's always some scumbag with a knife or a gun waiting to take what's rightfully his. Were the writers of that movie sitting around at a table saying things like, "So, what if we have him walking into a subway terminal - at night of course - and then these two black guys with knives come at him?"

"That's brilliant! And then, the next night, he can be out buying groceries ... and these two black guys with knives come at him!"

"Yeah yeah! And then, another night, he'll be out walking through the park ... and these two black guys -"

"Wait now, we've already done that."

"Oh, yeah ... well, what if one of them had a gun?"

"And he could be a terrible shot, missing Charles Bronson from five feet away!"

"Yeah, and then Charles Bronson - without aiming - could hit them as they're running away, from some thirty yards' distance!"

I'm telling you, this movie wrote itself as four fat guys got stoned and ate Fritos. I love how there's absolutely no storyline whatsoever, except of course for the dead wife and the husband gone blind with his desire for revenge. Then, it's just one random mugging scene gone awry after another until finally he's kicked out of New York City. Only to take up residence in Chicago and have it all to do over again. He doesn't even get the satisfaction of killing the three guys - well, the two guys and Jeff Goldblum - who killed his wife and raped his daughter! What, are they saving that juicy tidbit for a sequel? You mean I gotta watch MORE of these movies?

"Listen fellas, we gotta step it up for the sequel. Instead of having Charles Bronson go around shooting muggers who try to steal from him, why don't we ... oh man, thinking is hard. Let's just have Charles Bronson shoot a bunch of black guys for 90 minutes."

"Sounds good to me; the possibilities are endless!"