These Drunk n' Hot Girls.

Is it too much to fucking ask for a little professionalism from these people? It's one song. You're out there for one song and you're being televised to an entire nation; is it too much to ask to put down the fucking bottle, drop the Quarter Pounder altogether, and maybe not get into a punching match with your boyfriend until AFTER you embarass yourself?

Alas, I still haven't seen the Britney Spears VMA performance, but I've seen pictures. I HAVE, however, seen this recent Amy Winehouse performance for a British awards show of some sort ... and good GOD.

I mean, imagine the worst American Idol reject you've ever seen (and I'm not talking funny-bad, I'm talking stick-a-burning-Q-tip-into-my-eardrum bad), then slap her around and put a bunch of gnarly tattoos on her arms. I could get up there and sing a more coherent version of "Tears Dry On Their Own" than the one she staggered her way through.

Look, it's one thing to get overly-intoxicated for a regular concert in Tucson or something - that kinda shit will go down in mythical infamy as the night so-and-so had a little too much fun. But, you've gotta sprinkle in a few really blow-them-away amazing shows in between your drunken fuckfests, otherwise you're on the Sid and Nancy fast-track (or, in the case of Britney Spears, you're on the Anna Nicole fast-track).

Sure, drunk girls are kinda hot because it's always in the back of your mind that they'll settle for less (so you're sayin' there's a chance!). But, when they're sloppy, over-the-top, you're-embarassed-FOR-them drunk, then it's no fun. Seeing Britney or Ms. Winehouse making a mockery of drunks-who-can-handle-they-shit everywhere, it's like we're sneeking a peek into someone's dream where they're naked in high school gym class.

It's like they say, If You're Gonna Drive, Don't Drink; If You're Gonna Drink, Don't Drive. And please, if you're going to "entertain," please make sure you have a June Carter Cash in your life who's aware enough to hide the bags of pills