Going into this night (where the Mariners were shut out for 8 innings before ultimately losing 6-1 to the Detroit Tigers), I had a few things in mind. First and foremost, this was looking to be my final baseball game witnessed at Safeco Field. After an inning, this led to me thinking, "Good, I hope I never have to be subjected to this horror again!"
Secondly, I was thinking, "Hey! Girls Night! That means there's gonna be chicks there! I won't be able to walk five feet without some hot bitch grabbing for my cock and shaking it until it spits love juice in her eye!" After an inning, this led me to thinking, "Kill all fucking women!"
What you're looking at when you go to Girls Night in early July during a .500 Mariners campaign is a sea of ugly fucking cows. And to think, I could've taken my very own cow with me to the game.
I got my new glasses today after work. They're very flamboyant, very queer. I LOVE them! Anyway, I went through the process of finding my unique frames after my eye exam on Wednesday with this girl, let's call her Erin. We instantly bonded by virtue of our both having extra-large heads. Yes, we've both stretched many a neck-hole in our day. Anyway, she's very chipper, very into Steve Perry and Journey . . . in short, very un-me. Nevertheless, it was an enjoyable experience. We had about 15 to 20 frames lying all around the store, with me trying on and rejecting and the like.
Well, I got the call today that they're in. So, after work, I hop off the bus and go to the shop and pick 'em up. We're making conversation, I'm trying on my glasses, she's telling me how much she loves them (incidently, I think these girls who work at these glasses shops try to pick out the stupidest pair and talk you into buying them . . . but the joke's on her! I LIKE stupid things that look awful on me!). I got the lenses that change into sunglasses when you're outside, so she had me walk around outside to try them out. Then, the subject of "What are you doing tonight?" comes up and I make mention that I was planning on going to the Mariners game. This brought out delight in my new friend Erin who said, "Oh, that's perfect!" in reference to me trying out the glasses. We go on to talk about the Mariners for a couple of minutes, and then she says, "Hmm, maybe I should go tonight; you got an extra ticket?"
To which I said, "No, I'm just gonna get one at the gate."
She said, "Oh," and that was that.
Now, there are two ways I can handle this. I can press the issue and merely say, "You wanna go anyway? I'm gonna catch the bus at 6:20." And she most likely would've said yes and we would've gone and yeah.
Or, I can let it die and go to the game by myself (or, as it turns out, with Jake and Lee Ann since Jake's softball game was cancelled due to forfeiture). Which I did.
Here's my thing, here's my thought process on the subject. If I'm gonna go to a baseball game with a girl who's insanely chipper and into Steve Perry's music, she better be fucking STACKED. I mean tits and ass galore. I'm not gonna go with the buckled, belly-galore annoying girl with the big head. It's just me. That's the way I am.
Which leads me to the Mariners game. It's not even half full, but it's close. And, of that, the stands are LOADED with these annoying fucking bitches. Let me spell it out for you:
I Don't Want To Watch A Baseball Game . . . With Annoying Girls!
Talking about this and that and the other thing . . . AND THERE'S A GAME GOING ON! Fuck you! Go to a mall if you want to be insufferable bitches!
Which is why I'm glad this was my last Safeco experience. I'd much rather go to a ballpark and . . . watch a fucking baseball game! Not looking up at the jumbo-tron to see special Girls Night Makeovers, or fucking boat races, or fucking bloopers that aren't really bloopers. Oh look, the guy who was going to catch the ball . . . didn't catch the ball! Isn't that hilarious?!?! When you don't have some annoying announcer or these pissant fucking dancing groundskeepers or the family-friendly attendants.
But, you know what gets me the most. Whoever runs the Safeco Field Jumbo-Tron has a rule. Whenever a controversial play happens on the field (like when our center fielder made a diving play on a ball that looked like a catch but was called a single), they DON'T show the replay! What the fuck! If I'm sitting there booing the umpire, I want to know if it's warranted! Have you EVER heard of that? There were some other close calls, plays at first that could've been safe had I seen the replay, whathaveyou, and none of them were showed.
But, ad nauseum, they gave us Ichiro's Catch-'em-Out / Throw-'em-Out double play at the plate against Magglio Ordonez.
That and the outlaw of "Yankees Suck" t-shirts. Fuck that. I'm wearing one in Yankee Stadium, I don't care how much beer they pour on me