G to the Izzo, A to the Whizz-ay.

I don't get on the radio much because, well, the radio is utter shit (which is different than otter shit in that it doesn't get crapped out of an ass quite so cute). However, there have been two occasions recently - once when I was walking down the street and someone's car radio was on a wee bit loudly; once while in a bar waiting for my songs to play - and on these occasions I've heard the same song, remixed. "Rehab" by Amy Winehouse.

My first thought, naturally: What was wrong with the original?

Which, of course, brings with it the whole thought of why remixes exist at all (getting away from the more pertinent point of the article, which is why Jay-Z feels the need to shove his bullshit raps onto perfectly crafted songs in the first place). Presumably, when an artist goes to the trouble of writing the song, practicing the song, perfecting the song, recording the song, engineering the song to sound like it does in his mind, transferring the song to a playable, massively-consumed format, and releasing the song in any number of incarnations, I would assume that artist is putting out a song of utmost quality. It's at its peak when all is said and done, nothing else he does to it will make it any better, at least in his mind.

Then, it's out there, and two weeks later, there are dozens if not hundreds of versions of the same song with various tweaks on the theme put together by someone who had nothing to do with the creation of the original. The proper remix label is slapped onto the end of the song with appropriate credit therein, and you have one of many bastardizations of a truly original piece of musical material.

This isn't a case of Imitation being the sincerest form of Flattery, this is a case of, "You suck, I can do what you do better than you and here it is."

Only, in the case of the aforementioned Amy Winehouse song, it's exactly the same except, towards the end there, Jay-Z is compelled to chime in with a rap that loosely corresponds with the content of the original.

Ergo, my second thought: What does Jay-Z have to do with a British white girl who sings like she's black about drinking too much and possibly losing her baby?

The answers, respectively: "Nothing," and "Nothing."

Yet, here it is. Slapping everyone who enjoyed the original right in the face. A song good enough to stand on its own is all of a sudden given an unnecessary third leg that dangles there like an aborted third-trimester fetus. Jay-Z is about as worthless and definitely as welcome around me. The guy stopped giving a shit after his first million, his throwaway raps on other artists' records bring nothing fresh or inventive to the table. He's this lumbering, over-the-hill walking pile of dung that desperately needs to get out of the game. Not because he'll ruin whatever street cred he has left (he's got none left), but because now he's just wasting everyone's time. AND, he's taking away opportunities from other, more worthy artists out there who might look at an Amy Winehouse tune and actually have something fresh and invigorating to throw into it.

Jay-Z, you're a multi-millionaire probably on the threshold of Billionaire status. You get to stick it to Beyonce's pussy whenever you want. You're one of the most recognizable names Rap Music has ever known. Give it a rest already, before the world - once they finally catch up to me - decides they've had enough of you and relegate you to the Rapper's Senior Tour alongside Naughty By Nature, L.L. Cool J, Run DMC, House of Pain, Snow, DJ Jazzy Jeff & The Fresh Prince, and all of the other embarassing has-beens who ever think about returning to a music-listening public that wants nothing to do with them anymore