There Will Be Fat Jokes.

For a little bit there, Juno walks the tightrope between Creepy and Every Man's Fantasy Of Fucking A 16 Year Old With An Awesome Taste In Music, but I think it deftly makes it to the other side unbruised.

If you go and see this movie, you'll come away with the same reaction affixed to your lips like a sticky Sunny D residue: "Oh, that was cute." And it is. Juno is a cute movie. Kinda funny, kinda smart, kind of endearing. Quirky characters have real-life problems and everything gets resolved with a kiss and a song. So, in that sense it succeeds. Juno also succeeds as a feasible date movie that manages to not star Matthew McConaughey or Kate Hudson (though, we're sickeningly close with Jennifer Garner, but she manages to come away unscathed thanks to the ensemble).

Just about every year, a movie comes out of nowhere with little-to-no budget and scant media press behind it, only to blow through theaters gobbling up millions of dollars in its wake. You know, like My Big Fat Greek Wedding or Little Miss Sunshine. Juno is this type of movie, and quality-wise it lands somewhere in the middle. Were I ten years younger, I probably would've loved this movie. As it stands, I just sort of think it's cute.

Ellen Page - Juno - is getting the most hype from this movie, what with being nominated for all those fancy awards and everything. I'm sure I haven't a clue as to her competition, but something tells me Ellen Page probably shouldn't win, since I saw her one time on David Letterman - hence making me a foremost expert on all things Ellen Page - and this Juno character she plays kind of sounds and acts like her in real life. I mean, she could've just as easily written all her own dialogue.

Not that it matters, though, since the child-stars rarely if ever win.

Big ups to Schillinger who plays the dad. Can J.K. Simmons legally change his name to Vern Schillinger, his character from Oz? Every time I see him in anything else, I can't help but imagine he's just finished tattooing a swastika on somebody's buttcheeks.