Big Tim Bugaloo disappeared, somehow. Some people say he ran away to the mountains. Others say he hid out in the city. Big Tim Bugaloo will tell you he went to the mountains.
In the city, Big Tim Bugaloo took what little savings he had left and rented out a cheap hotel for a week. Big Tim found it curious that he had the option to pay by the hour, until he heard the ruckus going on in the room next door.
"Oh, Mayor McCheese! Fuck me, Mayor! Fuck me harder! That'll be $200 at the first window."
Now, Big Tim Bugaloo didn't think he could make a living as a killer, though that had been his best knack of late. He had to do something, though. The Horny Toad Hotel would come knocking for their rent very soon. So, Big Tim did the only thing he could think of ... he went to McDonalds.
Big Tim Bugaloo interviewed with Mayor McCheese the very next day. At the interview, Big Tim said he thought it was funny that this Mayor McCheese had the same name as the man doling out anal sex in the next room over. Mayor McCheese didn't think it was funny.
"I don't think that's very funny at all," he said. "$200 for a little anal, that's just too much!"
"It didn't sound like 'a little anal' to me," Big Tim said. "It sounded like she suffered severe hemorrhaging to the colon."
"I asked her if she'd ever had a 13 inch pickle up the kiester and she said, 'Yes'!"
Mayor McCheese knew right away he didn't want to hire Big Tim Bugaloo for his establishment. Mayor McCheese had other ideas for this strapping, large young man in his presence. "Tim," he said, "have you ever known the love that only a young man and a hamburger can share?"
Big Tim Bugaloo said he had, but only with female hamburgers. Mayor McCheese understood. "My wife is a bit of a tramp." Big Tim Bugaloo agreed.
"Well, then," said Mayor McCheese. "Have you ever taken a whore to bed?" Big Tim shook his head, so Mayor McCheese said, "Have you ever killed anyone?" Big Tim nodded his head, so Mayor McCheese said, "Good, you're gonna do both for me tonight, and if you do good, I'll hire you on."
"As a fry cook?" Big Tim Bugaloo said.
"No, as my own personal killing machine," Mayor McCheese said.
***
Little Ashley Tromboli loved receiving rimjobs best of all. More than receiving flowers, more than receiving free oil changes, more than receiving the complimentary breadsticks at the Olive Garden. She figured becoming a whore would be the best facilitator of free rimjobs, plus she could make a little extra money on the side.
However, none of her clients liked giving out rimjobs. This made Little Ashley Tromboli all the more ecstatic when she discovered Big Tim Bugaloo loved the taste of asshole. Before she could even open her mouth to tell Big Tim that tonight's entertainment was already paid for by Mayor McCheese, he had pulled down her pants and started licking asshole. That's when Little Ashley Tromboli knew. That's when she knew that this man would be the man she'd marry.
45 hours later, Big Tim Bugaloo got a phone call. Since he wasn't finished with Little Ashley Tromboli's asshole, he decided to let it ring. 2 minutes later, the phone rang again. Big Tim Bugaloo picked it up.
"Is she dead yet?" Mayor McCheese bristled.
"Why, no she isn't. She's alive and well," Big Tim said.
"Well, shouldn't you fix that?"
Big Tim Bugaloo hung up the phone and said to Little Ashley Tromboli, "Mayor McCheese says I'm supposed to kill you for charging $200 for anal."
Little Ashley Tromboli couldn't reply. She was too exhausted from the 4,245 consecutive orgasms she'd just experienced from the 45 hours and 2 minutes of rimjobbing she'd just received. So, Big Tim Bugaloo decided to speak for her.
"Well, I don't think you should kill me," Big Tim Bugaloo said for Little Ashley Tromboli.
"Don't worry, I won't," Big Tim Bugaloo said.
"What are we going to do?" Big Tim Bugaloo said for Little Ashley Tromboli.
"I'll tell you what we're going to do," Big Tim Bugaloo said. "We're going to kill Mayor McCheese."
Big Tim Bugaloo made the plans with himself and eventually clued in Little Ashley Tromboli after her 14 hour nap. Together, they would be eating hamburger, and a little asshole, before the night was through.
... to be continued ...