I've Got Something To Say; I Raped Your Mother Today!!!.

And it doesn't matter much to me
As long as she spread

Do you ever find yourself sitting around in the middle of October thinking to yourself, "I wonder how I could manage to think to other people?"

Do you also think, "You know, all these fuck-sticks out there make all these Christmas albums every year; there are all of these Christmas carols that are accepted and sung throughout the land every December; why don't more people make Halloween albums?"

For that matter, why aren't there more Halloween songs? The 'Monster Mash'? Really, is there anything else? They sell those CDs in stores for $5 with titles like, 'Spooky Sounds' and the letters are all like dripping blood and everything, but then you listen to it and all it is is haunted house noises like creaking doors and hooting ghosts. B.F.D.

I was thinking, with my music collection so vast, I MUST have 10-20 songs with scary Halloweenish themes. Songs about ghosts or killing babies or raping mothers or whathaveyou. After some more contemplation, I realized that the great majority of these songs would be classifed under some form of 'Punk Rock' or 'Heavy Metal'. And THAT trend got me to thinking.

The whole point of metal and punk music IS to scare the bejesusing shit out of your square, corny parents anyway; so ANYTHING that could be classified as horrifically punk or hardcore metal IS Halloween Music.


No need to go out and buy made-up Halloween-compilations like you do for Christmas every year! Just pop in that Megadeth hits album, crank up the Metallica, or sit cosy by the fire with your Sex Pistols lp and enjoy the spooky horror.

See, from bands like Black Sabbath, The Misfits, and Alice Cooper on down through GWAR, White Zombie, and the Schoolyard Heroes, the occult, the holiday of Halloween, death and monsters and bloody Jesus-cross masturbation have been the subjects of our favorite hardcore classics. In fact, you could pick just about any three songs from all of those bands, burn them to a CD, and crank your stereo up as far as it'll go and your Halloween party is sure to be a success.

No need to thank me, though if you really want to spook the shit out of your costumed guests, bombard them with a heavy dose of the new Britney Spears record, coupled with a lengthy helping of that ringtone rap I've been hearing so much about. If that doesn't have people pulling out their hair and screaming toward higher ground, I don't know what will