Google, make the search for "Richie Sexson Sucks" come to my site.

This just in from the Forward Pass newsdesk: Richie Sexson Sucks Balls.

According to a report issued from the team's spokesperson, Mr. Rolyat Nevets, Richie Sexson was last seen standing at home plate at Safeco Field with a bat in his hands with one out in the bottom of the 9th inning and the game tied at 1. Sources say that Mr. Sexson - making a whopping $15.5 million for this 2007 season - simply needed to loft a fly ball anywhere in the outfield to get Ichiro home from 3rd base and the game would've been over. Instead, he popped out in foul territory to the second baseman to send the game into extra innings and needlessly subject this already bullpen-strained Seattle Mariners team into further taxing their relievers.

Police say that Richie Sexson is being charged with aggrivated sucking and attempted sabotage of a series sweep. The DA is also considering levying a charge of 2nd Degree Being A Douche, but sources indicate that charge might not have enough evidence to stick. Moron that as it develops.

Of course, it never helps a team when their starter can't go more than 5 innings or throw more than 99 pitches, but when your number 4 hitter in your lineup - the consensus MLB "Cleanup Hitter" - is hitting .209 and only manages feeble contact when his job is to crush balls over and around the outfield wall, it's inexcusable.

Either, we need to put him down in the lineup, or we can't be afraid to pinch-hit for him when the situation dictates. For instance, Mike Hargrove, when you're filling out your lineup card before the game: that's a pressure situation where you may want to consider pinch-hitting for Sexson. Just, you know, write his name in pencil or something, then right before you walk out to the Home Plate Umpire, just erase it and write in a competent batter's name