Hey Kids, Rock N' Roll, Rock Hall!.

As preamble, you're only eligible for induction into the Rock N' Roll Hall of Fame 25 years after you release your first record (albums, eps both apply). The following are eligible today and not in:

Ozzy (though, in with Black Sabbath, not as a more-popular solo artist)
Black Flag (one of the most influential hardcore punk bands of the early 80s)
The Cure (one of the most influential goth bands of the 80s)
The Misfits
Iggy Pop
Motorhead (Lemmy IS God)
George Thorogood (say what you will, this guy made motorcycles cooler than they already are)
Barry White (the Hall needs more sexifyin' in there)
Bill Withers (ditto)
Alice Cooper (a stinking fucking travesty)
Joe Cocker (ditto)
King Crimson (ditto)
The Stooges (more hatin' on the punk music scene, they get no respect I tell ya!)
Country Joe & The Fish
Jeff Beck (one of the most legendary guitar gods of all time)
The Sonics (the first great rock n' roll band from the Seattle area)

Anyway, the list goes on and on and on. This year, they had a chance to right some wrongs; instead they decided to induct this castrated bunch of limp dicks.

Dave Clark 5 (some pre-Beatles Brit-pop band in the 60s)
Leonard Cohen (pretty awesome poet, pretty pathetic rocker)
Madonna (she once had really pointy bras)
John Mellencamp (a poor-man's John Fogarty)
The Ventures (probably a solid pick, nice instrumental rock band from the 60s)

And these are the vaunted four who were NOMINATED and didn't win:

Afrika Bambaataa (cool name, not much of an impact nationwide, even as far as rap goes)
Beastie Boys (not really fair since this time in 1982 they were a shitty punk band; they didn't get good until '86, so don't induct them until 2011)
Chic (bullshit)
Donna Summer (ditto)

Disco has no place in the Hall. Have a little self-respect.

While I'll admit, this was a weak class overall, they could've used this year to induct some really deserving candidates. Instead, we get the Who Fucking Cares lineup. Is ANYBODY remotely excited about this year's ceremony and batch of performances? I can hear 'Jack & Diane' for the millionth time and 'Our Country' for the billionth? Madonna can trot out the same batch of radio-friendly hits she's been beating to death for the last two decades? Leonard Cohen can sound like he inhaled a smokestack? Where can I sign up?

I know this means nothing, but here's the five I would've elected this year, in no particular order:

Alice Cooper
The Stooges
Black Flag
Jeff Beck
The Cure

Just imagine THAT lineup knocking you on your ass! Gets me wet just thinking about it. Maybe I'd put The Misfits instead of The Cure, but I gotta be honest, even though I'm not the hugest Cure fan around, they WERE pretty bigtime. Besides, Glenn Danzig will always have a place in MY Rock Hall. When I'm finished building it. Sometime in 2035.