Ronco c/o Customer Service
21344 Superior Street
Chatsworth, CA 91311
Dear Ron Popeil,
For weeks, I have spent my late nights watching the infomercial for your latest invention, the Showtime Rotisserie and BBQ. I cannot begin to tell you how much I enjoy your program and all the insight it brings to me about cooking. I am happy to tell you that I have bought one of your machines, and let me say that it is a life saver. I have never enjoyed cooking meals for my family until now. And, it saves me so much time, that I can finally finish the novel I started in high school.
Anyway, I have been inviting my friends and family over to my apartment on a nightly basis, just to show off my Showtime Rotisserie and BBQ. They really enjoy all of the different entrees your machine can create. I started out cooking elaborate meals featuring turkey, lamb, deer, and roast, among other things. Of course, after a few weeks, I ran out of new dinner ideas. I have prepared everything in your recipe book, and have now started creating dishes that no one has ever heard of. Plus, at the same time, I have cut down on the neighborhood's stray animal population.
You would not believe how tender and juicy dog meat can be by just adding garlic and injecting lemon sauce into the heart of the meat by using your flavor injector. However, please do not make the same mistake I made; always remember to shave ALL of the fur off. Also, in just twenty minutes, you can eat some of the most succulent cat steaks ever experienced (Your machine can hold ten at a time with your food basket!). Do not take my word for it, though, because my friends and family love them. I did not tell them what they were eating until after they finished. Believe me, their response was full of shock, excitement, and amazement. They literally jumped out of their seats upon hearing the ingredients in their meals.
In closing, I have submitted with this letter some of my own personal recipes for alternative dinners. Perhaps you may wish to include them in your next book of recipes, or surprise your family with the finest ferret-kebobs ever tasted. Enjoy, and keep up the good work.
Your faithful viewer,
Steven Taylor
1009 NE Pacific St. Rm. 431
Seattle, WA 98105