I'm giving you a choice: either put on these glasses or start eatin' that trash can.

Not this year.

OK. All right. OK.

"They Live" just might be the greatest film known to man

(say it with me: Like Anybody Could Even Know That!).

Now, I'm not the biggest 'There's Something About Mary' fan out there, but I am a HUGE fan of the dad in that movie. You know, Mary's dad (or step-dad, or whatever; was paternity ever established?), the black guy making light of the bean and the frank and et cetera. I only know him from that and as that pimp in 'Requiem For A Dream' and I seem to remember him acting in some Vietnam War movie I've since can't remember ('Platoon' maybe?).

Anyway, he's in this movie "They Live" that I just watched last night after consuming a Seahawks Victory's worth of beer at the bar (while making goo-goo eyes with the waitress named Kelly who's got a pleasant amount of cushion for any and all vigorous pushin' and an affinity for the TV show Cheers, but that's neither here nor there). And I'm telling you, John Carpenter just might be the greatest film director known to man!

So, that guy's in this movie, starring alongside a poor man's British Brian Bosworth, and the whole movie takes place over a period of a couple days. The Boz finds this box full of sunglasses where - when you put them on - you can see things for how they really are. Aliens are among us! They're controlling our minds through subliminal propaganda that we can't really see, but that which still brainwashes us nonetheless. Anyway, with these glasses, The Boz can now see who are humans and who are really aliens masquerading as humans. He and Mary's Dad must now infiltrate this underground alien society and bring them down from the inside.

But not before the single greatest man-to-man fight scene in the history of the world. See, before they team up, Mary's Dad doesn't want The Boz to cause any trouble. He needs this construction job, dammit! He's got FIVE kids to feed, or some such thing like that. Well, all The Boz wants is for Mary's Dad to try on the glasses.

But Mary's Dad don't WANT to try on the glasses.

And it's on! In a back-alley, these two lumbering brutes go at it with anything available. Multiple knees to the groin, the whole nine yards.

Have you ever seen the 'Cripple Fight' episode of South Park? That fight was an exact replica of this fight, right down to the dialogue (You dirty motherfucker!).

Go find 'em on YouTube, the clips should be there. I'm currently in the process of making up a drinking game for this movie.

I'd tell you how it ends, but by that point I was more interested in the plate full of fries I baked in the oven and that last can of Budweiser wasn't helping the ol' memory bank. Just rest assured, awesomeness ensued.