A List of Things I'd Eat from Meg White's Ass if Given The Opportunity.

Before I begin, a word if I may to writers in the media who report on The White Stripes: commenting on that whole Brother-Sister thing between Jack and Meg stopped being funny ... you know what? Never funny. Moving on.

The White Stripes hit it big with an album entitled "White Blood Cells." Since then, they've released three more records, each with a striking similarity: the leadoff track sounds like nothing they've ever done before.

"Elephant" has Seven Nation Army, which by all accounts has the Stripes utilizing the bass guitar in its main riff. "Get Behind Me Satan" has Blue Orchid which not only shoves Jack White into the uber-falsetto, but it's the razor-fast sore thumb that sticks out on an album full of xylophones and piano blues. "Icky Thump" has its title track that sounds like they stuck their heads under a gonging church bell right before they hit Record. Everything about the song is jarring, from the lyrics to the guitar solos to the jabbering drumming.

Look, I'll be honest with you, it's not easy to review a White Stripes album; there's always so much going on with each song. Their last album was released two years ago and I'm STILL finding new things I like about it. However, right away I'm hearing some standout tracks, so I'll run through them a little bit.

300 M.P.H. Torrential Outpoor Blues is simply a quality jam with guitar solos that are actually live velociraptors in a meat grinder.

Conquest is probably their greatest song - and greatest cover - since Death Letter. It would most definitely be in Quentin Tarantino's next Spaghetti Western (with its Mariachi feel) if only it was performed by some obscure seven-piece out of Zimbabwe that nobody's ever heard of ever.

Bone Broke has a classic Huey Lewis type riff, only if it were recorded on a battery-powered hand-held and then played back through an arena's loudspeakers at full volume.

Prickly Thorn, But Sweetly Worn is a Scottish folk jig right down to the bagpipe solo and Little Cream Soda deserves its own metal cover band with pyrotechnics and fire-code violations.

Rag and Bone has a 70s Aerosmith groove and I'm Slowly Turning Into You harkens back to the good ol' days of Deep Purple and Steppenwolf.

The same White Stripes blues sensibilities are still here as the classic rock foundation, but with the over-dubbing, the additional instruments Jack plays, and the ample studio time, there's a fuller band sound attacking your ears on these tracks. It makes a two-piece sound like four and gives hope for an inspiring and eclectic tour run this year